Why Zero isn't A Girl
by Nightmare Remnant
Summary: Cause he wasn't born that way, but fate is cruel and forces him into skirts instead of pants anyways. A crack fic, made more for my own amusement than anything else. DISCONTINUED
1. Cause He Wasn't Born That Way

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

_Chapter 1_

'Cause He Wasn't Born That Way.

CHAPTER TITLE CONTINUED:

But fate is against him, so he ends up being shoved in skirts instead of pants.

* * *

Zero was not born a girl, he was born with you know, male equipment. Somehow, he ended up in a skirt anyways. Not that he was really feminine or anything, his mom was just a little crazy. God bless her soul, may she rest in peace the twisted woman. Really, who shoves their six year old son in a dress along with his twin and takes pictures?!

Zero's mom, _of course_.

Fates a bitch, you already know this.

This had continued for a number of years, up till Zero was nine and Touga walked in the door to find him dressed in a skirt. The man had screamed, and screamed. For a minute Zero had questioned whether or not his teacher should be the one in the skirt. It was a pretty unmanly, horrified shriek.

So the "dress up" had come to a stop, well until Touga was thoroughly gone and Zero's mom could stuff him in a corner with Ichiru.

But whatever, childhood traumas aside Zero never thought he'd have to dress like a girl again, you know since his parents had...died. We'll avoid that subject for now though.

The Hunter Association had actually decided that Touga should continue to educate Zero, excusing his slow change to a vampire. Touga was highly paranoid over this, and really didn't think he could be the best parent ever. Well, they'd also made him Zero's legal guardian.

Though the Hunter Association had one last demand, they would say Zero Kiriyu had been exectued that fateful night of the bite. As such Zero Kiriyu had to disappear, Touga had the right to disguise Zero anyway he wanted as long as it kept him hidden.

That's how Zero found himself back in a skirt at twelve with a groaning, freaked out Touga.

"Teacher?" Zero said from the other side of the room, flowing black skirt and t-shirt fitting him well and the long blond wig on his head making him truly look like a girl.

"Yes?" Touga groaned from his chair, the one he'd been sitting and whining in since Zero had completed the change from boy to girl.

"Stop being a wuss, and whats my name now?" Zero asked bland faced and impatient. Really, the man was not the one wearing the skirt. Zero much preferred pants.

Skirts were so _airy_, how could girls ever want to wear such a thing?

"Uh.." Touga said, thinking for a moment and then smirking evilly.

"How about Shirley?" Zero sent his teacher such a scathing look that even Touga was surprised he didn't spontaneously combust.

"Alice?" Zero considered, it did not meet his instant disaproval at least.

"It'll do, its not the most ridiculous name I've ever heard."

"We could call you Zena." Touga joked, Zero quickly exited the room, door slamming loudly behind him. Sitting in the small kitchen of his not to big but nice sized and not really clean apartment Touga brought his head down on the table, hard.

God, when did the world get so screwed up?

* * *

**Authors Note:**lol Hi, this is a really messed up probably OOC crack filled little boredom ficcy. I just had to write it though, the idea of Zero dressed as a girl WOULD NOT leave my poor little head. Hehe, so really this is not a serious fic at all and is more as a side piece of amusement than anything else. If I have somehow incensed you, well sorry, and bye.

Hehe...this is gonna be _fun._


	2. Cause He's Really Violent and Rebellious

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

_Chapter 2_

'Cause He's Really Violent and Rebellious

CHAPTER TITLE CONTINUED:

Touga's had enough, Zero's going to Cross Academy.

* * *

Zero's fourteen, and been pulling off the farce of being a girl for at least two years now. Actually he even has some spellwork going, simple illusion ones that can't even be sensed by vampires. Little things that make him actually _smell _like he's female, and make it look like his fake boobs aren't quite as fake as they are. Oh and his hair, yeah something that makes it look like he has long, really, really blond hair.

Basically Zero had a spell covering for everything a girl should have, and which he didn't have.

But whatever, because Touga has lost his _freakin'_ mind. Standing outside the apartment complex they'd been living in for the last two years Zero adopted a very female position. Hands on hips, legs apart and head cocked in a condescending way.

He still felt pretty creepy doing that though, god his life sucked.

Touga who had been messing with his motorcycle at this point finally looked up and groaned.

"What now _Alice_?" Touga who had gotten pretty used to thinking of Zero as female, cause he had to, but he really had to try not to freak out right now.

So...very...female.

Touga's male pride suffered in the place of Zero's own dwindling supply. Zero was wearing a pair of skinny jeans today with a pair of calf high black boots that went over the jeans, and a tight band t-shirt. With his illusion of long hair tied back in a high ponytail Zero looked like a pissed off female, ready to pounce and tear Touga to pieces.

"I'm not going." Zero said, crossing his arms and adopting a stubborn but rather bland expression. You could only really tell he was pissed by the way his silver eyes quietly sparked and narrowed slightly.

Touga sent back his own glare, sick of cowering beneath Zero's feminine illusion. Standing on the sidewalk beside his motorcycle Touga, in broad daylight suddenly hoisted Zero's skinny frame up on the bike. Zero sputtered in surprise, his fighting instincts shutting down as his teacher did the most degrading thing, ever.

Shoving a bike helmet on Zero's head, which really had at least a short ponytail because Zero's hair was at least shoulder length, Touga ignored the boys grunt of pain. Pulling a leg over the other side of the motorcycle Touga put on his own helmet and started up the motorcycle.

"Hold on."

Then he zoomed in traffic, with no regards towards his or his passengers safety.

Zero held on for dear life.

* * *

Zero, Alice, had been pretty good for the rest of the five hour drive to the Academy, Touga was about to develop a twitch. He'd been pretty paranoid at the first rest stop where Zero had fixed his hair and the illusion had changed with the release of his real hair from its ponytail. Now, he was really twitchy, Zero was too quiet.

Pulling deep into the bowels of Cross Academy Touga made sure to actually park his bike right outside the school buildings. Hell no was Touga gonna make it easy for Zero to escape. It was nearing darkness, the sun slowly setting.

Pulling off his own helmet and getting off the bike Touga warily watched Zero as the boy looked around, feminine appearance cold and calculating. He had taken off his helmet, long hair going down to his butt moving softly with him. Zero held his helmet in his hands and raised an eyebrow at Touga's dark and suspicous gaze.

"I'm not going to try anything," Zero finally muttered codly. Touga nodded, accepting it and lit up a cigarette and motioned for Zero to follow him as he stepped away. Zero lagged for a moment seemingly going to set his helmet down on the bike, Touga took two more steps.

That was all it took.

Jumping on the bike and instantly starting it to life, using the extra keys he had Zero narrowly avoided his Teacher's dive and peeled out. Roaring through the Academy and the students still wandering around Zero made quite the spectacle.

Long hair streaming behind him, more than slightly feminine features sharp and angry as he roared through the Academy. Suddenly a shot rang out and Zero cursed, Touga was going to do something drastic.

Crap, a pissed off Touga was bad.

He might even shoot out a tire. Turning at the last moment to avoid another shot at the back tire Zero suddenly roared in a direction he did not want to go. Going down the wide path Zero cursed as he saw a group of students dressed in white before him, a group of female students in black crowding around. Coming to a dramatic, dust flinging stop Zero cursed some more.

The whole group stared in his direction, Zero glared at the group dressed in white.

Vampires.

This was really his day wasn't it?

Suddenly another shot rang out and the back tire went out with a loud bang. Cursing some more Zero practically slid of the bike running towards a group of tree's and hopefully a way out eventually.

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Touga roared quickly closing in.

Freak.

The stupid group of girls dressed in black and the vampires dressed in white, were in his way. Quickly Zero cut through the thinnest part of the crowd shoving the shocked girls out of his way as he tried to pelt away from his teacher. Suddenly out of the crowd of black a hand grabbed his, a girl with short black hair commanding him to stop.

"Stop right there, what do you think your doing?" Staring past the girl at the quickly approaching, pissed off Touga Zero almost shoved her away.

Except a hand landed on his shoulder, a _vampire _hand. Stiffening and shuddering with disgust under such a hand Zero turned a venemous glare over his shoulder at the vampire who dared touch him. He had shaggy, but impeccable brown hair and brown eyes that glowed with a little of red.

Touga reached them, panting slightly and quickly grabbed Zero from the girl and the vampire. Except he wasn't much kinder, in fact he was kind of cruel. Grabbing Zero's hair by the roots he started to drag the boy away.

Zero screeched.

"YOU DIRTY BASTARD!" Touga just grunted and was about to continue dragged the screaming Zero away when the girl interrupted him.

"Sir, I think-"

Both Zero and Touga glared at her, though Touga was the one to speak while Zero practically stood bent over backwards. Touga was gripping his hair at the back of his head and Zero was bent over, stomach in the air.

"Your Cross's little girl, right?" He questioned raising an eyebrow, Zero groaned.

"Yes, but you shouldn't do that to her!" She practically yelled angry red blooming in her face. Touga just raised a speculative eyebrow and then let Zero go.

"Fine, but if Alice attacks me I'm blaming it on you."

Zero leapt at Touga.

* * *

Another reason why Zero isn't, and will never be a girl is the fact that he's very violent and rebellious.

Touga learned this when Zero attempted to break his nose, thank god he failed.

* * *

**Authors Note:**I'm so freaking tired, I'm soooo off my freaking rocker.

_EDIT_: FIXED THE ENDING! BOOYAH!


	3. Cause He Doesn't Like Dudes Maybe

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

_Chapter 3  
_

'Cause He Doesn't Like Dudes

CHAPTER TITLE CONTINUED:

Or dudettes, either. Though...well you'll see.

* * *

Sitting in the Headmasters office Zero stewed in his seat, though his face was rather blank to the rest of the people in the room he was stewing.

How very angsty of him.

But whatever, leaning back in his seat and crossing his arms Zero stared forward blankly with discontent. On the left of his stood the girl with dark, blackish brown hair sitting in the other chair beside him was Touga.

Then to the right of Touga was _it_.

Stupid, retarded idiotic pureblood vampire.

Though leaning a little farther back in his seat and glancing at the pureblood Zero had to admit he was pretty good looking. Now don't be mistaken Zero isn't gay, nope.

Not at all, get that nasty little thought out of your pretty little retarded head.

But anyways, he and Touga weren't looking the best for wear. After a giant fight in front of the entire Night Class, and the groupie Day Class they'd been separated by the Night Class and dragged to opposite sides of the pathway. Zero's long image of hair was a mess, and so was his real hair. Dirt having smudged it into a wild tangled mess. There would be hell to pay when he had to brush that, you know even his normal hair was a little longer than normal.

Touga though, looked the worst by far. Who ever said Touga was a man without law, _lied. _Touga had taken the brunt of Zero's assault, not wanting to be charged with abuse or well...assault. He looked like his hair consisted of dirt and so did his face, and his jacket looked like someone had just smudged crap all over it and ripped a couple of holes in it for the hell of it. If Zero wasn't so pissed off about their fight being broken up by the vampires, or the fact that he was in the Headmasters office he would have been smirking it up.

But he isn't, how very disatisfactory.

Finally the Headmaster, who had been absent up till this point came stumbling in. Zero took one look at the man who smiled rather dazedly, but happily at everyone in the room and instantly knew this was going to be an utterly painful exercise in control.

"So," the man practically tittered, "What happened here?"

"Cross, you never cease to annoy me in some small way." Suddenly Cross's smile widened and his eyes turned sparkly.

"Touga!" he practically flew at Touga like a lovesick fangirl until he paused at the last moment and frowned moodily.

"Your dirty."

Touga snorted.

Zero drooped further into his chair and resisted the urge to start crying, or something equally unmanly and out of character.

This was gonna _suck_.

* * *

Standing in his new dorm room and staring at the space Zero suddenly felt better about the whole thing. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Then he pulled out his uniform, took one look at the skirt and said _hell no_.

And then he remembered his new duty, being a prefect and protecting the Day Class fromt the Night Class.

Zero decided his life officially sucked, and that someday he would actually attempt to kill Touga instead of just attempting to maim him.

* * *

Zero trudged out of the school building and resisted the urge to scream and shoot himself in the head. No, he would be strong. Suicide was not the way, it _was not the way_.

"Hey beautiful." Zero heard a weasely voice purr behind him, Zero lost his mind.

Quickly turning around and glaring at the teenage boy who was about his age Zero grabbed the collar of his jacket and pulled him close, but not to close. Leering threateningly at the boy who suddenly seemed to shrink into his uniform Zero put on his best psychopathic 'I'm gonna kill you' look.

It wasn't a hard face to make, Zero really did want to kill the boy.

Zero really wanted to kill all men.

And girls, can't forget girls either.

"If you or any other guy ever hits on me again I'll personally make it so none of you _ever _thinks with his sex drive instead of his brain again." Zero really didn't feel bad about threatening such a precious item, he may have been carrying the same package but at least he wasn't a man-ho.

Man sluts, all of them.

The boy gave a low sob and Zero released him. Zero walked away and didn't look back.

Thank god he'd mobbed Cross earlier this morning for pants instead of a skirt or this day would have been more of a slice of life from hell than it already was.

Then Zero remembered his evening duties and resisted the urge to commit suicide again.

* * *

There was only one good thing about being prefect Zero quickly realized, he got to be mean without any real cause. Even if the other kids did discriminate against him for his behavior he could bitch back about it being his duty and all.

Take that man sluts, and girls alike.

Giving the more than slightly annoying girls on his side a glare of doom Zero practically smirked when they all suddenly fell into line. Really, there was cause for being pissed off with the group before him they were annoying as well.

But, whatever.

Turning his head to check out how Yuki was doing Zero couldn't resist the sigh that escaped him.

Really, the girl failed at her duty. Turnin his back on his own group for a moment Zero sent them a warning glare and then put Yuki's group into order.

"If you don't all start behaving I will make sure you all get detention for a _long_ time. Then you'll miss your precious Night Class." He stated threateningly, though really it came out as more of a feminine but still dangerous drawl.

Damn his disguise, not that his voice was deepening yet but still it was good to keep his voice pretty covered up. But it rankled against the little bit of man pride he held to hear such a threat said in such a sweet voice.

Everyone fell into order and Zero couldn't help but feel his ego swell slightly.

Then the doors to the Night Dorms opened, the kids went crazy and Zero got cranky.

Though to make it all better Zero had to admit the Night Class was pretty, and then Zero promptly dumped all his pride over into oblivion.

Damn, vampires were pretty weren't they?

Oopsy, there went his Hunter Pride to.

* * *

**Authors Note:** Well this chapter was a bit of a troublesome child, but it came around in the end I think. I wanted this to be about Zero and you know not liking guys but it kept ending short before I got there. So I pressed forward and eventually I did it! Yay me!

Busy week though, I've been sick, shuffled around town, and all around overworked.

I'm also a complete and utter distractoid...hehe getting involved in old favorite fandoms and all that you know.:)

Now **review**! Or I shall guilt trip you to hell and back! Yay, I don't normally request reviews but I think I LIKE IT!

REVIEWS ARE MY CRACK MAN! I LOVE YOU ALLZ!3


	4. Cause He Doesn't Have Girl Parts

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

_Chapter 4_

'Cause He Doesn't Have Girl Parts

CHAPTER TITLE CONTINUED:

Plastic surgery exists, and no Zero doesn't have boobs or a vagina.

* * *

Well crap. Age fifteen, Zero has grown a taller and is bordering on a little bit too tall. He's also kind of having those pains, you know...those ones related to changing into a vampire. God his life sucked. But this _is not the point_.

The point of this moment, of the very beginning of this chapter is that Zero is _so_ screwed.

Bringing the butt of his gun down on the shocked boy who had groped him Zero growled lowly. The guy had surprised him, jumping out like that. He'd been patrolling the perimeter of the Night Dorms, more towards the forest part and then this freak had jumped out of nowhere. But most horrible was the fact that he had gotten the drop on Zero. Sure Zero was trained, and knew how to fight but when one had the element of surprise and more strength...well.

Oh, did he forget to mention the guy is an upperclassmen?

Asshole.

Really it was the twinges of horrible crippling pain that had really given the guy the chance to get so close then pounce so successfully. Zero deeply resented the groping that had gone on for a moment until the guy confused had found there wasn't really anything in his hands. Well, Zero just had the illusion of boobs, hell no was he gonna make it like they actually existed and shit.

Sick.

So then confused the guy had decided to double check his bases and groped where he should _never _have groped. Staring at the unconscious body of the upperclassmen Zero deliberated between death and a memory charm.

Deciding on death Zero was about to finish the guy off, cause well, no one got away with crap like that when a thought occurred to him. What if the guy had bragged to some of his friends how he was gonna go and get some tonight? Damn it! He may even have mentioned Ze-Alice's name!

Now it was time to panic, because number one Zero couldn't kill the guy. Number two he didn't know any memory charms.

Number three vampires were the ones who did the best memory spells, quick and clean most things once erased by a vampire were hardly ever found.

But there was also a downside entailed with this, Zero would have to give a specific of how much memory needed to be erased. Such as a couple minutes before jumping Zero and getting hit, with a freakin' gun.

Which meant they would have to view the memory, then snip it out.

Which mean they would _know_.

Resisting the urge to twitch Zero stared, frowning at the older boy before him and wondered why his life couldn't be as easy as just killing the boy and getting this whole ordeal over with.

* * *

So. Freaking. Heavy.

Zero panted, resting a moment, tired from dragging the other, much larger boy through the forest. Really, Zero was strong but to carry what was probably over two hundred pounds of muscle and idiocy was no small task.

Resting against a tree Zero considered his options, there was only really one option to whom he could get to do the charm. It definitely couldn't be one of the lesser vampires because the minute a higher up asked them what they were doing and got specific they would confess his secret. It had to be someone on top of the food chain.

Meaning only one thing.

Kaname.

Groaning lowly in barely contained despair Zero continued dragging the dead weight through the forest, uncaring of the bruises and scratches probably occurring.

Bastard deserved it, getting him in this mess and copping a feel.

Che, men.

* * *

**Authors Note:** I love this fanfic, Zero makes me so happy.:3


	5. Cause He Doesn't Like Getting Groped

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

_Chapter 5  
_

'Cause He Doesn't Like Getting Groped

CHAPTER TITLE CONTINUED:

Hair and other forms of groping are horrible, horrible things don't you know?

* * *

Kaname had been expecting this, well not quite _this _but something very close to it. It was expected as the most sour and seemingly anti-feminine female in the school that Alice did not take kindly to being approached by those who liked her. She rejected boys, girls, everyone who offered any kind of attention or admiration. Alice had even taken down more than a few guys in her attempt to get her message through.

Alice's basic message ran along the lines of: "Don't touch me, talk to me, or even look at me because I _will _kill you."

It was not unexpected that an overzealous male would be gifted with the true abilities of Alice, and be taken down brutally. She'd been pretty gentle so far (chicken wings, cursing, and threats of castration were gentle, mind you.)**(1)**

So yes, it was expected that someone would be injured, maybe brutally murdered but Kaname had never expected her to come running to the Night Dorm. When Aidou opened the door they had not expected Alice (who was apparently leaning against the door) to fall in.

She had stared up at them for a moment, blinking with her shoulder length hair fanning out behind her. Alice had cut it some time ago saying something about "hair groping." Kaname and his inner circle stared and Aidou who was right beside the door opened his mouth to say something when Alice started laughing.

Alice laughed, and laughed, and _laughed._

It was eerie and sounded much like she'd lost her mind, they all stared, more than a little frightened by such an unusual display. She'd rolled about on the floor for a bit till finally with a sigh she stopped, wiping tears from her eyes. The vampires all suddenly regained their composure and stared at her in a more...not utterly creeped out manner.

"What do you want, Alice?" Aidou asked, the poor brave soul just got flipped off for his trouble.

"Nothing but the ending of the measly life of the thing I've been dragging for the last," she paused checking her watch," Three hours."

"Oh." was all Aidou could say, seeing the unconscious body lying on their doorsteps.

"What was so funny?" Kaname asked, naturally curious, and really the unconscious body, like stated earlier, was also not unexpected. Here Alice paused still lying on the floor then stood up and brushed herself off before answering in a very composed manner.

"I have no idea what your talking about."

Dumbfounded, horribly frightened silence. Alice just rolled her eyes, yeesh, vampires were such wimps when they wanted to be.

"You, vampire lackey, pick up the _thing_." Alice said pointing at Aidou who just gaped at her a moment before his face creased with anger.

"Why should I pick the human up?" He spat, blue eyes sparking. Alice gave him easy readable expression, Aidou just looked slightly confused.

'Do as I say and pick up the body, bitch,' was basically what she was saying. To Aidou it read, 'You piss me off, bitch.'

Notice how the, 'bitch,' part stayed the same? Yeah, heh. Ruka liked giving him looks like this, he knew what that end part _meant_.

"Yeah well, your a bitch!" Aidou responded verbally, everyone raised an eyebrow at him not sure how he'd gotten that end part but not the whole entirety of the expression in general. Zero who was working more in silent warfare than anything else also rose a brow.

Aidou felt really, really stupid. He was going to just step away and shut up now, yep.

So Aidou stepped back and Ichijou, the cute, mischief making soul that he is stepped forward. He smiled at Alice who scowled and looked at him in a disproving manner.

"What are you actually here for?" Ichijou asked, still smiling in the face of Alice's disaproval.

"I am here to talk to your," pause, finger pointed at Kaname,"Fearless leader, about the thing on your doorstep."

Once again, dumbfounded silence, no one was frightened this time though. Well not of Alice, maybe Kaname.

Kaname though was fine, Alice's ridiculous behavior definitely wouldn't rub off on his little circle.

Laugh, laugh your ass off at this ridiculous thought, now.

"Fine, Ichijou please bring our unconscious guest up to my study. Alice follow me. Everyone else, you are dismissed for the evening." Then Kaname walked away, Alice flipped Aidou off one more time, and making a disgusted face Ichijou brought along the unconscious thing.

"It's dirty!" He whined, Alice just snorted, Kaname was silent.

* * *

To be truthful Zero was a little afraid, yeah, whatever. It didn't mean anything, you laughing? Shut up! How about you try being dressed as the opposite sex, not want to be discovered, and yet about to be found out?

Shut you up didn't it?

No. Damn it, shut up!

Well phooey on you, you don't matter, onto more _important _matters.

Like Kaname standing in front of Zero, who is resting his feet on the unconscious upperclassman passed out on the vampires floor.

"So, you don't need to view the memory right?" Zero asked, kind, of not really, back to normal. Gosh, dragging the man had made him freakin' hysterical. What a womanly thing...die, die! Stupid thought process.

"It depends on what you want me to erase?" Kaname asked in that fluently, utterly aristocrat, vaguely sexy voice of his. Bad Zero, god this is what those stupid girls did to him. Girls are evil, pure evil.

(Point in case, the girl writing this crap, stab her, please kill her, now.)

(The authoress just laughs at Zero's pain and continues forth, Zero resists the urge to cry.)

"Uh, everything from the point of him grabbing me. I kind of knocked him out with my gun." Zero admittedly blunty, studying the floor. Boy, if Kaname did discovery Zero was, well, a boy this was going to be far more awkward in just a little bit. Kaname nodded but was vaguely perplexed, why would Alice want to hide this from people so badly?

Kaname realized what was going on, yes, he is a smart fellow. Alice didn't want another vampire telling about what they had seen, better to just go to the top of the food chain. Still, it was not Kaname's place to question.

Kneeling on the rich carpet of his study Kaname quickly cast the spell, the magic spreading out from his hands in a swift movement of pure irrevocable power.

Zero watched on, not sure how to feel about the whole situation.

* * *

**1:** Chicken wing- Where someone twists your arm behind your back and up, it very much resembles, well, a chicken wing.

Just for people who might not know or have never experienced the tough love of their male friends/ relatives.

Anyways yeah, this chapter was in serious need of a rewrite, just finally got around to it. WOOT! Ok, gone now buhbye.


	6. Interlude : Pretty

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

Interlude

Pretty

CHAPTER TITLE CONTINUED:

Yuki thinks Alice is very pretty, Zero is disturbed.

* * *

"Hello, Alice!" Yuki says, waving cheerily as she runs up to Zero. Zero, who as alienated most everyone else just grunts and looks away from Yuki's cheery smile. Seriously, Zero had glared at her so many times he was surprised that she wasn't ashes on the ground already. Zero had to wonder where she got her powers of glare imperviousness (no, imperviousness is not an actualy word, but it fits so shut it or Zero will shut it for you.) Actually, creepily enough, it reminded Zero greatly of Cross.

Zero sends Touga one threatening glance and the guy is pissing his pants (and trying very hard to hide how _afraid _he is) but Cross is a whole entire other story. Instead he starts to cry and sends Zero teary glances, and the minute Zero stops glaring he's glow-y and lovey, he's fine. Touga can't seem to get himself for at least a good thirty minutes, Cross however takes thirty seconds and then is back to his old ways.

It pissed Zero off, and it was deeply troubling.

Was he losing his skill, his power? Normally he could send people scurrying for cover with one glance, was he, and dare he even think it, _losing _it?

No, no, he'd have to test it on someone, just to make sure.

Sensing a gaze lingering too long Zero turned his head in a quick move that was almost eerie and glared at the guy who was most obviously eying him. The guys eyes went wide and terrified tears sprung to his eyes, with a whimper he ran. Satisfied Zero concluded that Yuki, the Chairman, and Yori were just freaks of natures, all of them.

Turning back to Yuki Zero is not surprised to see Yori had joined the group and that they were talking together while he was panicking over the whole entire glare problem. Yuki, turned to Zero and pouted slightly looking disappointed in something.

Zero raised an eyebrow, non-verbally asking, "What?"

Yuki somehow interpreted it as thus,"What Yuki? Though I may look sarcastic and a little weirded out by your imperviousness (again, not a word, but shut up anyways) to my glares I am so totally willing to hear what you have to say, and I will totally listen instead of staring off into space and missing, basically, the whole entirety of the conversation! Oh please tell me Yuki, please!"

....Yuki really needs to work on her non-verbal interpretation.

"Alice, why are you so mean to everyone?" Yuki asked, perplexed by Alice's behavior.

"I don't like people," Alice said, staring at Yuki as though a little surprised that the subject was coming up in conversation.

"But Alice, you could be so popular! You could have a ton of a friends, I mean your pretty enough to belong in the Night Class!" Yuki blurted out, estranged by the idea of not wanting to know everyone you possibly could. Seriously, friends were cool, and Yuki mostly didn't have them because of her prefect duties but that was really the only reason. Alice just twitched slightly.

"I would never want to be in the Night Class, and don't call me pretty!" Aliceg growled, seemingly upset by Yuki's comment. Yuki however just thought Alice was being overly modest.

"Seriously Alice, you have the coolest hair, it's long and almost silver with how blond it is! Your tall, skinny and look like you should be a super model. Your eyes are amazing, and I swear if you only acted a little bit more feminine on occassion you would _rule_ the school!" Yuki spouted off.

Zero was just silent, staring at Yuki while Yori stood by smiling daintily.

"I agree with Yuki," she said simply. Zero twitched.

"No, just no," he said rather brusquely as he turned to run away from the crazy girl and her crazy friend.

"But Alice, if you just wore a dress or something, I swear!" Yuki said following after Zero who was walking at a rather quick pace.

Zero didn't respong, couldn't respond, because quite simply Zero was almost afraid of what Yuki was going to do to him.

An almost premonition like shudder overtook Zero for a moment, and right then and there Zero knew Yuki would someday be the creator of his worst nightmares. Along with Cross and his incessant need to try and get Zero to wear the uniforms skirt.

No Zero was never wearing the skirt, no matter how cute Cross thought it was, or anyone else for that matter.

"Alice, c'mon I know a really good shop!" Yuki said running after Zero who was still booking it.

Yori who had stayed behind just smiled, she was glad that Yuki had a friend to be girly with.

Too bad her new friend whom was a girl was actually a boy.

Shrugging and heading to class Yori was rather content, it would be a fun show to watch at least.

Zero still running, shuddered again, Yuki who still running behind him started yelling something about make up.

* * *

**A/N:** Sorry for taking so long...just been stuck in a writers block. **I rewrote the previous chapter **so I suggest going back and reading it if you haven't done so within the last couple of months. It's been changed for awhile.

Anyways, I can't promise anything, but thank you to everyone who has reviewed. You wall rock my socks!:3


	7. Cause He Doesn't Like Getting Groped II

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

Cause He Doesn't Like Getting Groped Part II

CHAPTER TITLE CONTINUED:

Particularly by men, well most men, Kaname might be an exception to the rule.

* * *

Leaning over the Day Class student Kaname was still rather perplexed by the whole situation and started shifting through the boys latest memories. A collection of very _dirty_ thoughts hit Kaname in the face and he resisted the urge to twitch as he shuffled the memories, thoughts, and fantasies aside. Finally he came to what he'd been looking for, the boy was hiding in some bushes, and watching Alice who was leaning against a tree a pained expression filling her face as she clutched at her chest. Perplexed by Alice's obvious agony and secretiveness Kaname decided to watch the whole thing through rather than just erase the entirety of the guys memory from that point on.

The guy, who had noticed Alice's obvious distraction moved from behind his own tree's and bushes and grabbed the slim frame in a tight hold. It felt strangely muscular under the guys hands, but he didn't care. He only wanted one thing and locking Alice in his arms he went for it. But, there was nothing there. Kaname felt his eyes widen, as the guy confusedly groped at Alice's chest. She didn't have boobs, in like, any shape or form basically. Kaname's eyes widened further when the guy went below the belt, that was decidedly uncalled for and-

HOLY SHIT!

Kaname twitched, and erased the memory and removed his hands from the human quickly. What a disgusting creature he thought absentmindedly as his gaze focused on Alice who looked a bit like she was ready to throw up.

"You," Kaname said in a strangely calm tone,"Are not a girl."

Alice looked stricken, then a both a little nervous and angry. Finally her, uh..._his_ expression settled onto that of a highly nervous one and _he_ spoke, though _his_ words were more than a little awkward.

"I'm really, really gay?" Alice offered, or whomever he was, as an excuse.

"..."

"Uh...I find you really attractive?"

Kaname twitched.

* * *

Zero was in a very, very bad situation. Kaname Kuran, pureblood bastard (who was extremely sexy, admittedly, not that Zero would ever admit that, but whatever) knew that he was not a she but in fact a he.

Oh the troubles that cross dressing brought upon oneself.

"So, want to tell me the truth," Kaname asked behind his desk. Takuma had already removed the Day Class student, and both were now long gone. Now it was just Zero and the pureblood.

Zero and Kaname.

Alice, who was Zero and a guy, and Kaname.

And that oh so comforting memory of Takuma calling Kaname "fearless leader" just before leaving. Zero thanked his stars for the little things in life.

Well at least Zero had done some good in his life before he was offed, he'd officially caused some insubordination on the part of Kaname's followers, and he'd probably just made every guy in the Day Class sexually confused even if they did not know it.

Yeah, not bad, but not terribly great either.

But what the hell?

"Alice?" Kaname asked, saying the girlish name scathingly. Removing the spell on his voice by removing the necklace he wore Zero scowled at Kaname.

"Fine, I'm not a girl," Zero said in his normal voice. It was good to hear it, it wasn't a very deep voice, but one that was decidely _male _and Zero basked in the glory of not being feminine for awhile.

Kaname resisted the urge to blink repeatedly from his amazement at hearing such a voice.

It was a little disturbing, but it sparked Kaname's curiosity and he asked himself what the guy under all that must look like.

Violet silver eyes watched Kaname with barely hidden animosity, (though unbeknown to Kaname a fire of appreciation for his hotness also burned there, deep, deep, deep, DEEP within Zero's very, very, very, VERY pretty eyes.)

(Zero and Kaname would both like to claim that they are in no way attracted to each other at this point, ignore them, they _lie._)

"So why are you dressed like one?" he asked.

"I thought I already told you that?" Zero said rather scathingly himself, and Kaname resisted the slight blush that rose to his cheeks.

"I highly doubt you are very, very gay considering your reaction to most men who approach you. I also find that it is highly unlikely that you find me _attractive_." Kaname said, though he had to wonder who didn't find him attractive, because he was hot. Very hot, yes he was like..."I'm too sexy for my shirt," kind of hot.

But -ahem- he would never admit this out loud, though Ruka agreed thoroughly along with a collection of girls and a good portion of men too.

But, whatever, not important.

"Fine," Zero groused," I'm not gay."

"Hm, so you are attracted to me?" Kaname asked, Alice, _whoever,_ twitched slightly. Oh yeah, word play, cha-ching!

"..." Zero, struck speechless by Kaname bold statement (and the hidden truth of it) was silent.

"...I didn't quite expect that response."

"SHUT UP, YOU!" Zero shouted instead, quickly coming to his senses.

"Anyways, you didn't answer my question," Kaname said. Zero twitched and decided right then and there we he would not tell the stupid head anything.

Not one word.

"I'm not talking to you."

Kaname raised an eyebrow, right, this guy thought he could outlast Kaname?

Puh-leeze.

Bring it on, bitch.

Ahem...uh, bastard.

Finding out someone you thought to be a girl is a boy certainly changes how you think about them.

Really, you have to switch out all your curse words, such trouble, cross dressing.

* * *

_Thirty minutes, two minutes, and 47 seconds later...._

Zero could do this, he could do this. He could sit on Kaname's couch and outlast the bastard.

Zero _could do this._

Kaname, who had come to sit on the couch next to Zero inched closer.

Bastard was playing dirty, sitting so close to Zero like that. He thought he could intimidate Zero or get him to say something?

Hell no, Zero would not give in, Zero wouldn't even scoot to the other side of the couch.

Zero could withstand this, he could withstand this, he could withsta-

Their legs are touching.

Resisting the urge to twitch and deciding that if the bastard wanted to play dirty then so could Zero, he'd been molested verbally and physically so many times that, well, turning the tables probably wouldn't be so hard.

So Zero was one to scoot closer, he still hadn't book back on his necklace so he played with it, staring at it a little nervously. Their thighs were now touching, they were so close and he could feel Kaname's warmth through it...and smell him.

Mm...he smelled yummy.

There was nothing but dead silence for about a minute and thirty three seconds more, with just the clock ticking. Kaname who decided that if Alice was going to up the game then so could he, he just needed the shim (she plus him equals shim) to get angry and tell him off and then he'd win!

So he slipped an arm over the shim's shoulder, and hugged the cross dresser to his side and grinned evilly on the inside when he, stiffened under Kaname's arm.

Zero raged inside and resisted the urge to scream or leave the room, this was a big challenge they had going on here. The first to move away or say a word would lose and Zero sure as hell wasn't going to give in. Nope, even if this little challenged ended in his shattered sanity he would win. He would, he would, he would, HE WOULD!

So forcing back nausea he actually leaned further into Kaname's arms and resisted the urge to grin evilly when Kaname this time stiffened. Oh yeah, he was dangerous, oh yeah, he was willing to push boundaries. oh yeah, Zero was going to win.

Kaname was conflicted, what was he supposed to do next? Move away, and give in? Or take this whole thing a step further?

Kaname didn't like losing and he was less easily embarrassed than the shim, in reality Kaname had no shame, shim probably did. Which was why Kaname did what he did next.

With one easy movement he dragged "Alice" into his lap and pulled her close to him, arms locking around her waist.

For a minute there was silence, pure dead silence except for the ticking of that annoying clock and Alice was quiet and still in his lap.

She uh he looked at Kaname for a moment with narrowed eyes and then decided to do something stupid himself, because well this was LETS BE STUPID DAY.

And Zero was an all or nothing type of person.

So he kissed Kaname Kuran on the lips.

.....shit.

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for this chapter goes to my online buddy, Amika, because one day we were chatting and I told her I was a fanfiction author and gave her a link to my page. She then proceeded to freak out because it turns out she's read this story and likes

So thanks to her reminder and freak out I decided to finish this chapter. Even if it is crap, but it was never meant to be anything but crap, this story. Just random implausible shit that is beautiful in it's shitty


	8. DISCONTINUED

**_Why Zero isn't A Girl_**

DISCONTINUED

* * *

I want to start off by apologizing, for the long time that I have been absent, but mostly I want to apologize for my inability to continue this story. I stopped reading and being involved with Vampire Knight years ago, and I also quit my account because of real life issues. I just stopped paying attention because as much as I enjoy writing fanfiction, it was just that a joy. When it stopped being enjoyable and instead added to depressing me during an already rough time I took a break. I thought it would be a short break but about three years have passed now and its time to simply accept that I won't be coming back.

I would like to continue writing fanfiction again some day but I will probably never write in the Vampire Knight fandom again. I simply have no great passion for it anymore, and it is unlikely to be rekindled. I encourage you all to enjoy what I did write of this story and here's a quick idea of where this eventually probably would have gone:

So basically Zero and Kaname would dance around each other, Yuki would continue her quest to make Zero the prettiest with dresses and all sorts of stuff (eventually he would end up in a dress of course.) Kaname and Zero would almost be together when *gasp* Ichiru and whats-her-name show up! (Told you it's been forever,lol) Then I think there was going to be a weird attempted murder by Ichiru that would turn into a weird hostage situation/wedding where Shizuka? Yeah I think that was her name would eternally bind Zero and Ichiru to her. They'd be the weirdest and most murderous threesome ever except Kaname and the other vampires would come in to save the day and some how it would be revealed Zero is just a very pretty boy. Kaname would have a five second sexuality crisis and then realize he does not give a crap. There would be gratuitous making out and groping of Zero/Kaname variety with everyone else fleeing in the opposite direction while Yuki celebrated. They'd then live happily ever after with Yuki being their best girl friend who continually encourages Zero to pick up cross dressing again.

Fluffy happy times, rainbows and blood. Fade to black, END.

But yeah that's about it. I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and added this series to their alerts, and let you all know that I love you and wish you all the best. I'm sorry that I cannot continue this story.:(

-Remy


End file.
